


난 언제까지나 영원한 친구가 될게 (I'll Always Be Your Eternal Friend)

by sassykenzie1



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Cheating, F/M, I wrote this for school, Implied Masturbation, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, Insecure Mark Lee (NCT), Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda?, M/M, Making Out, Mark Lee (NCT) is Bad at Feelings, Multi, One Night Stands, Pining, Slow Burn, Yukhei is a bit of a himbo, but alas, oh my god they were roommates, so i couldn't have explicit gay sex like i'd like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27718000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassykenzie1/pseuds/sassykenzie1
Summary: Title from NCT Dream's "We Young"Mark has a huge crush on his roommate, who is a party boy that likes to bring women home for one night stands. Mark is struggling.Written for NaNoWriMo 2020.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for NaNoWriMo 2020, but it was an 8,000-word goal for the "Young Writer's Program" my teacher assigned. This is why all sexual content is simple "implied." if I had written this for any reason other than school, it would probably be more explicit.

Mark reaches up to fix his headphones, which were beginning to slip. He barely hears the door rattle on its hinges. He doesn't miss the door swinging open and the doorknob banging into the wall. He winces, thinking about how much trouble they'll be in with the university over the damage.

He hears Yukhei over his music, whispering to tonight's girl. He hears bedsprings creak under weight. He hears the girl giggle followed by: "Won't your roommate hear?"

"Nah," Yukhei says. "He always has his headphones on."

Mark tries to block out the sounds of the creaking bed, but especially, he tries to block out the whispered praise Yukhei gives. He tries not to imagine those words turned towards himself. He huddles deeper into his blankets, trying to ignore his growing issue.

*****

"Room 23," Mark whispers, walking past identical door after door in the dorm building hallway. He comes upon room 23 and uses the keycard to open it. He swings the door open and takes a few steps in, revealing a brown-haired man seated on the right bed. 

The man lights up, smiling at Mark. "Hello, are you my roommate?"

"This is room 23, right?" Mark asks tentatively.

The man nods. "Then yeah, I'm your roommate. I'm Mark."

"Yukhei," The man replies.

Mark tosses his bag on the left bed and then falls beside it.

*****

Mark quickly learned that Yukhei was a very party-oriented person. Almost every weekend he was at someone's party whether it was just a few friends or a full frat house full of people. Mark enjoyed the quiet, especially at first before he and Yukhei became friends, but after a few months, the silence became suffocating.

Mark never brought it up to Yukhei though. He didn't want to make Yukhei feel guilty about having fun because Mark was anti-social.

As such, it wasn't a surprise when Mark came back from a rare outing with his friends to Yukhei wearing skinny jeans and a white shirt. It was his go-to for parties. What was a surprise, however, was Yukhei pushing Mark towards his wardrobe and telling him to get ready. "What," Mark asks, genuinely confused. He never agreed to go to a party. Unless he said yes while absentmindedly answering Yukhei.

"Come on. You're coming to this party. The whole junior class was invited as a back-to-school treat. I feel bad for always leaving you here, so why don't you come?"

Mark wants to say no so badly, but Yukhei is pulling his "please" face and Mark can never say no to him anyway. "Fine," Mark says. "What do I wear?"

"Just wear your jeans and jacket combo. It's not a fancy party or anything."

*****

Mark is not having fun. Yukhei abandoned him pretty much as soon as they got here, seeing one of his dance friends. Mark makes his way to the side, trying to avoid getting in people's way as much as possible. 

Mark stays there for who knows how long, hoping Yukhei will come back. He knows he won't though. He grabs his phone, scrolling through social media to try and distract himself, but one can only look at celebrities and memes for so long before getting bored.

Mark looks up from his phone and sees Yukhei, dancing in the middle of the room with a girl. She's just slightly below eye level with Yukhei, but that's only because her heels are a good 3 or 4 inches tall. She's probably a little bit shorter than Mark without them, though next to Yukhei's 6-foot height, everyone looks kind of short. She has black hair, probably never dyed. He can see her curves even from the distance. She's wearing a red off the shoulder top and black skirt, contrasting well against Yukhei's black jeans and white shirt. 

He watches, unable to pull his eyes away, as Yukhei leans down to kiss her. Mark vaguely feels like he's gonna throw up. He puts his phone away and walks towards the front door. He needs air.

He sits on the front step, taking deep breaths of the chilly night air. He thinks of what he should do. He knows eventually Yukhei will come looking for him, probably to shove a drink at him and hopefully believe Mark's faked fun. He also knows the Yukhei will be slightly disappointed if he can't find Mark...

Mark makes up his mind, standing up and walking away from the house, crossing through the yard to be quicker. He's going home, and he's going to listen to his music in bed like he always does while Yukhei is at a party. The music covers his thoughts, lets him think of anything other than Yukhei dancing with a girl, kissing her, or more.

*****

Mark hears the door open again, luckily not causing any more damage to the already heavily damaged wall. He hears the bed creak again, but he can tell that it's not with the weight of two people. He turns over, setting his headphones beside him on his bedside table. "Have fun?"

Yukhei sighs, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and facing Mark. "When'd you leave?"

Mark also sighs, setting his head against his headboard. "About half an hour after we arrived."

"I'm sorry I left you. I saw Sicheng and..." He trails off.

"It's fine, Xuxi. I just wish you would have left me here. I was going to do homework."

Yukhei gives him a sad smile and a "Yeah," before climbing into bed properly. Mark puts his headphones back on and turns over, closing his eyes. The image of Yukhei kissing that girl seems to be burned on his eyelids.


	2. Chapter 2

Mark dreams of the faceless woman from the party with Yukhei. Somewhere in the back of his subconscious, he recognizes her. She's a dance major like Yukhei is. Mark shares a class with her though. In that class, she always sits at the front of the class and bombards the professor with questions, which the professor loves since nobody bothers to ask questions as it never helps. 

In Mark's dream, she and Yukhei cuddle up together; Yukhei hugs her to his chest and she happily rests her head there. Yukhei turns to Mark, face contorting. His spits, "Aw, Markie...Did you really think I'd ever like you?"

Mark buries his face in his knees. "No," he whispers, shaking his head back and forth, tears dripping down his cheeks.

Mark wakes up with a labored breath. He brings a hand up to wipe his tears away, still breathing heavily. He turns over in bed, to come face-to-face with Yukhei's opened eyes. "Are you okay, Mark?"

"I'm fine, Xuxi. Go back to sleep."

"You don't wanna talk about it?"

"No," Mark dismisses.

*****

Mark falls in and out of fitful sleep all night. Every time he falls back to sleep he sees Yukhei or the girl or both of them. Them making fun of him, them kissing, or doing worse, in front of him. By the time his alarm goes off, Mark is miserable.

He gets up, half pulling his blankets off of the bed. Yukhei's bed a mess and the boy is nowhere to be seen. A second later, though, the shower turns on and answers where Yukhei is. Mark can hear the water pounding the floor of the shower. Mark tries not to picture the water running down Yukhei's chest. He has seen Yukhei shirtless many times and knew he had very defined abs. But now that he had thought of Yukhei all wet...

The bathroom door opens, filling their dorm room with steam. Mark looks up, trying not to look like the deer in the headlights he currently feels like. Was he seriously fantasizing about his roommate while he was home? Yukhei was wearing black sweatpants and no shirt. Mark could feel his face flaming. 

He stood up and hurried into the bathroom, shutting the door before Yukhei could see much. He took a deep breath and looked down, sighing. "I'm like a middle school kid," he groans, turning the water as cold as it would go.

*****

Mark gets home to an empty dorm. Yukhei has dance practice today, so Mark isn't surprised by the quiet. Mark settles comfortably on his bed and starts his homework. Homework always helped Mark to distract himself from whatever was going on in his life.

Before he knew it, the door was opening and Yukhei was walking in. "Yo," he greets as he ducks into the bathroom, closing the door. Mark has never cursed sharing a dorm with Yukhei as much as he does when Yukhei cleans up after practice. Yukhei likes looking put together and neat even while lounging on his bed and playing video games on their tiny T.V.

Mark continues his writing about 20th century English writing for a bit, turning the music playing through his headphones up slightly. The last thing he needs is a repeat of this morning's incident. He gets lost in finding quotes that he doesn't even register the bathroom door opening until Yukhei is in his vision. 

Mark slides his headphones back, letting them rest around his neck. Yukhei holds a controller out to Mark, inviting him to play something with him. Mark accepts, already mentally preparing to apologize to the RA for the noise.

*****

That Saturday, Mark wakes up early and decides to go out for coffee with Taeyong. Yukhei is already gone when he awakes. Mark tries not to be sad about not seeing Yukhei, but the chances are Yukhei has a party to go to, if he isn't already out with his friends.

Mark shakes those thoughts away as he comes upon the café beside campus and sees Taeyong, his purple and blue hair pushed back, his hair going well with the blue hoodie and light jeans he had on. Mark jogs up to him and hugs him. They didn't get to see each other now that Taeyong had finished his master's degree. "Mark, how've you been?"

"Good. How about you?" Mark lies. He hadn't been doing too well since the party...

"I've been good, considering..."

Taeyong's face falls. "Missing Johnny?"

"Yes," Taeyong admits. 

"Well, it's already been a month since he left. Time will go by before you know it."

They catch up, swapping stories of things that happened since they last saw each other at Taeyong and Johnny's graduation last spring. Mark is listening to Taeyong talk about something Johnny did when the cafe's doorbell dings. His head turns towards the noise involuntarily and he nearly chokes on his drink. 

Yukhei walks to the counter with the girl, hand in hand. They look like the perfect T.V. couple, Yukhei in all his handsome glory casually dressed in jeans and layering a black hoodie over black plaid flannel, while the girl is wearing jean shorts, a t-shirt, and a knee-length coat over it all. Mark slowly loses track of what Taeyong is saying, almost being unable to hear his voice, his vision tunneling to focus on Yukhei. A hand on his arm snaps his attention back to Taeyong.

"Mark, you alright?"

"Yeah..." Mark says, glancing at Yukhei again before flitting his eyes back to Taeyong with a fake smile. He watched Taeyong follow his sight to Yukhei. Taeyong's face softens to the well-used almost paternal expression. "Aw, Mark. I'm sorry."

"What," Mark squeaks.

"Don't even act like that. I know you like him."

"It's that obvious?" Mark whines.

Taeyong doesn't grace him with an answer. Mark buries his face in his hand, groaning. He's still covering his face when the booth dips beside him. He turns his head and locks eyes with Yukhei. He hopes his face didn't go red. He thought he'd gotten over that as a dewy-eyed freshman.

"Hey, Mark," Yukhei says, taking a drink.

"Hey," Mark says and he hopes his voice didn't sound as forced as he thought it did. Taeyong echoes the greeting and then turns to the girl. "Hello, what's your name? I'm Taeyong, a friend of Mark there."

"My name is Sena," she replies, blinking at Taeyong. Mark sees her eyes trail down him and she's batting her eyes a bit too much for Mark's liking. Taeyong seems to get the same feeling because he scoots away with an awkward laugh and a pained smile.

Mark was correct in his judgment at the party; Sena is very curvy, the type of body every sleazy straight college guy would go after and her face seems to give off a false sense of innocence her behavior was not displaying. Despite her curves, the simple outfit she's wearing gives her the appearance of the perfect girl to bring home to mom. 

She's everything Mark isn't. Even at 5'9", Mark appears shorter than everyone around him. He's too nervous to make friends and he prefers staying at home reading or playing video games. He's the type of guy you'd date in high school when you're first getting into the dating scene and can't do any better. The type you drop as soon as someone better comes along...

Mark sits back and listens to the three chat, mind still racing; comparing everything he can tell about Sena to himself. Yukhei turns to Mark, a pleasant smile on his lips. "You've been quiet this week, man. Is it because of the party?"

"No, Xuxi. It's not because of the party. I just haven't been great lately."

That earns him a small smile. "Xuxi," Sena's voice cuts through. Mark winces. Her voice is too high-pitched and fake for his liking. "Don't we have to leave soon?"

"Oh, right. Sorry, guys, gotta go. I'll see you later, Mark."

He waves and walks away, grabbing Sena's hand.

Mark turns to Taeyong, sharing a look. "She is very flirty considering she's with Yukhei."

Mark sighs. "I think I'm going to go back to the dorm."

Taeyong frowns at him" "You sure? I'm fine with hanging out with you today. We're both free all day."

"It's fine, Yongie," Mark says.

*****

Mark arrives back home, glancing at the time on his phone. It was barely 10. Mark sighs. He didn't have any unfinished homework or anything else to do so he crawls into bed and turns on some music. He sighs again.

He decides to take advantage of Yukhei being out of the room, reaching for his belt. He tries not to think of Yukhei, but it's difficult not to. Yukhei is always near him and if he's not near him physically, he's in the front of Mark's mind. Yukhei, who was so confident in himself, who made Mark's life difficult by jokingly flirting with him constantly. Mark knew that Yukhei was just screwing around, that he flirted with all of his friends. He'd witnessed Yukhei complimenting multiple friends on how pretty they were that day, much to everyone around them's exasperation.

Mark finishes with a shudder, his entire body instantly filling with shame. He was such a horrible person. He reaches over with his clean hand and grabs a tissue out of his side table drawer, eyes filling with shame-filled tears. He wipes the tears that have started to fall. He felt so pathetic.

*****

When Yukhei returns home a few hours later, he finds Mark curled under his blankets in silence with the lights off. Yukhei flips the light on, causing Mark to squint at him. Mark can see that look Yukhei gets when he wants to say something, but he doesn't. He just sets his phone on his side table and walks towards his wardrobe, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it in the general direction of his bed.

Mark tries not to stare, averting his eyes towards his bedsheets. He turns over to face the wall, the shame from earlier coming back full force. Yukhei may be shameless, but Mark still feels like he violated him and Yukhei doesn't even know...

Yukhei continues changing into more party fitting clothing. Yukhei grabs his phone and is gone just as quickly as he came. How could Mark ever keep up with him even if Yukhei did like him...?


	3. Chapter 3

A loud knock echoes through the room, startling Mark. He glares at the door, hoping whoever's outside of it will get the message and leave. They don't, of course, pounding on the door for a few minutes until the sound is causing Mark to feel the beginning of a headache.

He gets up, grabbing his throw blanket off of his bed and wrapping it around his head as if it'll make him feel secure. He opens the door and Taeyong marches in, face serious, and plops himself on the edge of Yukhei's bed. Mark sits on the edge of his bed, keeping his blanket wrapped around himself.

Mark breaks the long silence with, "What's up?"

That breaks whatever was holding Taeyong back. "'What's up?'" Taeyong says loudly. "'What's up?' You refuse to leave your room for nearly two and a half weeks, including class, and ignore everyone and you say 'What's up?'"

Mark winces, pulling his blanket tighter around him. "'m sorry," he says, muffled by the blanket.

Taeyong's face softens as he takes in Mark's unkempt appearance. Mark hasn't looked in the mirror other than glances while washing his hands. He doesn't want to see every flaw on his face reminding him of why Yukhei would never choose him over some dainty, pretty girl. He's sure his hair is greasy and matted, he's probably pale with prominent eye bags. Despite barricading himself in his dorm room and ignoring Yukhei, he doesn't get much sleep, instead kept awake by thoughts of why nobody would ever want him.

"Mark, you are not okay," Taeyong says softly. Mark looks down at the floor, unable to look Taeyong in the eyes. "Is this because of Yukhei and Sena?"

Mark nods. "You need to either get it over with and tell him you like him or get over him, Mark. You're going to destroy yourself."

They fall into a still uncomfortable silence before Taeyong gasps quietly, causing Mark to jump. "Sorry," he says quickly. "Hey, hand me your phone."

Mark furrows his brows but tosses his phone to Taeyong nonetheless. Taeyong unlocks it and taps a few times and types something. He taps again with an "Aha!" and hands the phone back to Mark. There on his home screen is an app downloading. The black icon with an orange mask causes Mark to sputter. "Taeyong," he whines out. "This app is just a bunch of guys who want to get in your pants once and then never talk to you again."

"It's not all hook-ups. Sure, you'll find mostly that, but maybe that would help you," he says, entertained. 

Mark groans, burying his face in his hands. "It's true," Taeyong defends. "Sometimes sex is the best stress relief! Plus it might take your mind off of Yukhei, even for just a little while."

Mark groans louder. "You don't have to. You can uninstall the app right now. Just think about it, Mark. I hate seeing you like this. Don't make me FaceTime Johnny. He will scold you for an hour if he has to."

"Nooo," Mark whines. "Don't call Johnny. I don't want him kicking my ass as soon as he gets back."

"Then stop hiding in here. At least start going back to class. Even if that's all you manage, it's a start, Mark."

Taeyong stands up and closes the short distance between the beds, pulling Mark to a standing position and hugging him. They hug for quite a while, causing Mark to notice just how much he's missed human contact. Taeyong pulls away, scrunching his nose. "Also maybe shower before rejoining society," he jokes. He watches Taeyong leave and sits back down, thinking. 

Taeyong was right, of course. He was almost always right. Yukhei seemed to finally have found a long-term relationship, not just a string of one-time flings and short friends with benefits arrangements, and Mark knew he should be happy for his friend. He just couldn't bring himself to be happy. Mark needed to distract himself.

He taps the Grindr icon and lets the app open. He quickly signs up and enters his information before he starts scrolling through profiles. He scrolls for about ten minutes before he spots someone he's seen around campus, so he decides to message him. He messages a few other guys before he locks his phone and tosses it aside on his bed.

He figures Taeyong is right and he needs to take a shower, so he grabs clean clothes for the first time in nearly three weeks and heads to the bathroom.

When he gets out of the shower, rubbing his hair with a towel, he checks a phone and sees a few notifications from Grindr. One from Evan, the guy he recognized, and a few from strangers. The other guys he messaged didn't reply or just sent unsolicited pictures he didn't want to see. 

He deletes any unwanted picture messages and responds to the few actual messages he got anxiously. He was always anxious when talking to new people. The phone vibrates in his hand, snapping him back to reality. A message from Evan displays on his phone. His lips curl into a small smile.

*****

Two weeks later, Mark is standing in front of his wardrobe, trying to decide whether his black jeans and a white dress shirt would be too casual or not. He checks the restaurant's website again and confirms that it's only semi-fancy. He looks in the mirror and shucks his suit jacket off, hanging it back up. He takes a breath and undoes another button then rolls the sleeves up above his elbows.

Mark looks at his bright orange hair in the mirror, wondering if that would seem too casual, but he's cut off by Yukhei coming in. Yukhei whistles. "You doin' something fun tonight, Markie?" Yukhei teases. Mark ignores him and fiddles with his hair a little before he grabs his phone and pulls his shoes on.

On his way to the restaurant, Mark can feel the excitement bubbling under his skin. This is the first time he's gone on a date in a while, and he forgot how exciting it was. He has Taeyong poised to act if things go south, but he's pretty confident things will go smoothly. Fall is slowly starting to fade into winter and the leaves are slowly floating to the ground around Mark. 

He comes up to the restaurant and sees Evan sitting on a bench in front of it. Evan is in very similar attire to himself, but with brown jeans instead of black. Mark finally makes it to the restaurant front. Evan stands, looking at him with a smile. "Mark," he greets.

"Evan," Mark parrots. They both start laughing nervously. "Shall we eat?" Evan asks, gesturing to the restaurant. They make their way inside in an only slightly uncomfortable silence. 

After they sit down and start making small talk, the words come easily to both of them. It's like talking with an old friend and catching up, except it's not weird if Mark calls him hot, which he does, multiple times.

Evan is tall, maybe even taller than Yukhei, but wider too, which Mark learns comes from years of boxing. His light brown hair is short and spiked in the front. Evan is way more sporty than Mark is, but he's willing to listen to Mark talk about his favorite novels and authors.

The night goes smoothly and before Mark knows it, they're splitting the bill and exiting the restaurant. They both hover awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Evan speaks up, "Would you like to come back to my apartment?"

Mark agrees, following Evan through the chilly November air. Evan wraps an arm around Mark as they walk, rubbing small circles into Mark's hip. Evan doesn't live far from the restaurant so they arrive quickly. Mark takes his shoes off and shuffles awkwardly, digging his toes into the carpet. Evan grabs Mark by the hand and pulls him close.

They kiss in the living room with LED lighting casting the colors of sunset over them. Evan buries his hands in Mark's hair as they deepen the kiss, messing the orange locks up. Evan pulls back, his eyes dark, and then pulls Mark towards one of the doors to their side.

*****

Mark wakes up the next day sore. He stands up, finding Evan missing from the bed. He slowly gets up from the bed, wincing from the movement, and grabs the pair of sweatpants on the side table. He massages himself as he walks out of the door. He sees Evan standing in the kitchen, cooking something. He turns when the floor creaks.

Mark walks beside him. "Hey, Mark. You feeling okay?"

"Sore," Mark laughs.

"Sorry," Evan apologizes. "Maybe pancakes will get your mind off of it."

"Maybe,"

They sit down, Mark slightly painfully, and enjoy Evan's surprisingly good cooking. They make small talk in between bites. Mark misses having someone to be domestic with, enjoying breakfast with them. 

Mark and Evan wash their dishes in silence. They go to Evan's bedroom and Evan tosses Mark a shirt. Mark pulls it on and gathers up his clothes, kissing Evan and heading out of the apartment.

Mark hums some pop song he keeps hearing on the internet on his way home. He's in a better mood than he's been in for a month. He feels slightly awkward walking around carrying his clothes but the elated feelings overpower it. It's been a while since he's had someone to be lovey with, and it's a good way to distract himself from thoughts of Yukhei.

Yukhei...Mark feels like he'll never be truly over Yukhei, though he knows that's his drama queen side showing through again. Chances are they'd hardly talk after university and within five or ten years they'd just be passing memories.

Mark goes up the stairs to his dorm, now itching to take a shower. He opens the door to Yukhei splayed out on his bed playing what sounded like Zelda, based on the sounds of his character dying. Yukhei's eyes trail from Mark's feet up and he smiles. 

Mark tosses his clothes towards the hamper and drops on his bed, forgetting about the pain, and accidentally lets out a pained whimper. Yukhei, who's eyes have been following Mark, smirks. "Have fun?" he teases.

Mark rolls his eyes and heads towards the shower.


	4. Chapter 4

A week later, Mark shuts the door behind him, shaking excess water off of his hands. "Hey, Mark," Yukhei calls.

"Yeah?"

"I feel like you'll say no, but how would you feel about going to a party tonight?"

Mark must pull a face because Yukhei sputters to backtrack. "Well, not really a 'party' per se," Yukhei says quickly. "More just a small gathering of friends. No more than twenty."

Mark still feels apprehensive. "Would these 'friends' be your friends or mine?"

"Both! I think you've met most, if not all of them. I think a lot of them are dance or other performing arts majors like me,"

Mark feels like he'll regret this again, but he spits out "Fine," before he can think too hard. Yukhei gives a large smile before grabbing a controller and tossing it at Mark.

*****

"Hey, Yukhei," Mark calls.

"What?" Yukhei replies from the bathroom.

"Does this shirt clash too much with my hair?" Mark asks. Yukhei leans out of the bathroom doorframe and makes an "eh" noise. "Nah," he assures Mark.

Mark glances down. He still feels like wearing blue stripes while his hair is striking orange looks strange, but he doesn't care enough. He fiddles around on his phone, playing some clicker game while Yukhei gets ready.

"Alright, ready?" Yukhei asks, stepping out of the bathroom. Mark feels like his heart just fell to his stomach. Yukhei's black hair is slicked back and he's wearing earrings for once. He's wearing a sleeveless shirt and skinny jeans. Mark feels like he can't breathe. 

A hand in front of his face causes Mark to jump. "Mark?"

"What?"

"Are you ready?" Yukhei asks like Mark is stupid.

Mark nods and heads towards the door. They walk in silence towards Ten's house. The silence isn't like when he walks with Evan. Mark feels like Yukhei wants to say something but he never does, staying completely silent the whole walk.

Yukhei also ignores the passerby's staring at his arms as he passes by. Mark definitely isn't one of those passerby's, no way. Guilt courses through him the one time he does catch himself staring at Yukhei's arm, thinking of Evan's sad expression if he found out. 

Mark tries to tell himself he was just staring off into space and happened to be looking towards Yukhei's arms, but he knew he was just lying to himself. 

Mark is still berating himself as they turn into Ten's sidewalk. Yukhei knocks on the door and Haechan is grabbing them both and pulling them in excitedly, shoving cups in their hands.

*****

An hour or so later, Mark can feel the very beginnings of the effects of the alcohol. He trips over a passed out Taeil and, oh yeah, he's definitely feeling the effects coming on. He's trying to find a bathroom in Ten's unfairly big home. Seriously, why did a university student need this big of a rental home, even as a final year master's?

He's just about to turn the knob on what he hopes is a bathroom when someone wraps a hand around his bicep and pulls him away. He squawks "What are you doing?" as he's shoved into a circle in the middle of the living room.

Ten smiles at everyone and sets an empty bottle in the middle of the circle. The room is filled with a chorus of groans and cheers. "Seriously, Ten? What are we, high schoolers?" someone calls. Someone else calls, "Why are we doing this with twelve dudes and no chicks?"

"Because we don't have any girls here, and it'll be funny," Ten replies. "Plus we're doing Seven Minutes in Heaven, so shut up."

Ten reaches over and spins the bottle, landing on Taeyong. Ten smiles like a dopey puppy, causing Taeyong to smack him in the back of the head on the way to the closet. Mark groans. "We're not in high school, why would anyone be entertained by this anymore?"

Mark casually plays with the hem of his shirt as everyone wait's for the seven minutes to pass. Mark groans. This is gonna be a long night.

*****

Finally, the bottle gets to Mark. By this point, a few more people are passed out. Mark reaches out and spins the bottle uneventfully. It spins and spins and spins and finally lands on...Yukhei. A couple of slurred cheers ring out from the ring, one sounding suspiciously like Taeyong.

Mark followed Taeyong to the closet, gulping. 'It's no different than spending all night with him in your dorm,' he thinks, but he still feels like his heart is going to burst out of his chest any moment now.

Once in the closet, that feeling increases about ten times. The closet was not designed for people to stand in. Taeyong gives Mark a wink and shuts the closet door. Mark hears the lock a second later, as per Ten's rules. 

Mark and Yukhei press against opposite walls as much as possible. The light strip above them paints everything crimson. Yukhei's tongue darts out to wet his lips and Mark gulps. Yukhei better stop that or soon Mark won't have enough blood to his brain to function. 

Yukhei stares at a spot just below Mark's head. "So," Mark says awkwardly. Without warning, Yukhei surges forward, dipping down and connecting his lips to Mark's, their teeth clacking together. They pull apart and look each other in the eyes. Mark opens his mouth to say something, but closes it a second later, stretching up to kiss Yukhei again.

Yukhei uses his height to his advantage and pushes Mark against the wall, pinning him between a hard, unyielding wall and warmth. Yukhei deepens the kiss and Mark finds himself trailing his hand down Yukhei's front and shoving his hands under Yukhei's shirt, feeling his abs as they make out in a closet.

Yukhei paws at Mark's belt and Mark is sure he would have let Yukhei undo it if it hadn't been for the lock clicking and the door opening. Taeyong opens the door, mouth open in the middle of whatever he had been about to say. Mark and Yukhei separate with an awkward cough from Yukhei, who then slithers out in shame. 

Mark likewise slithers away in shame, but more from the wet patch on the front of his jeans like he was a high schooler. Mark finds Ten pestering Doyoung and taps him on the head to get his attention. "Mark," Ten slurs. 

"Hey," Mark greets, voice sounding awkward. "Where's your bathroom?"

Ten points down a hallway and then turns back to Doyoung. Mark follows the direction pointed out to him, using paper towels to try and clean his front as much as possible to not much avail. 

He decides to just ditch the rest of the party. Nearly half of the people here are passed out, anyway, he reasons with himself. Walking home by himself feels wrong after the companionable silence he has with Yukhei, Taeyong, or Evan. 

Mark changes quickly, climbing into bed. Hopefully, he can sleep before Yukhei gets home...


	5. Chapter 5

Mark wakes up the next day with a slight headache and the strong urge to vomit, though those two are not connected. He feels like vomiting when he remembers the closet...Yukhei had been within reach, not a dream, for one moment. The vomit feeling comes from thinking of Evan though.

Mark decided to bite the bullet and get it over with. He grabs his phone, the clock mocking him with it's bright '12:16'. He clicks the familiar contact, throat constricting when the screen displays the selfie they took in the park a few days before. 

Evan answers quickly with a cheerful, "Hey, babe,"

"Hey, Evan," Mark says slowly. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Mark can hear the confusion in Evan's voice. Mark steels himself. He might as well get it out quickly before he can break down.

"I went to a party last night and...got a little tipsy. I ended up making out with someone in a closet. I'm sorry," Mark feels like he's gonna burst into tears any second now.

"Oh, Mark," Evan says sadly.

A moment of silence passes. "Was it Yukhei?"

"Huh? How'd you know?" Mark asks.

"I ran into him in the gym. He said I looked familiar. It was from your lock screen picture of us. I just got this vibe like there was a past I didn't know about," Evan explains.

"I'm sorry, Evan."

"I know, Mark. I think it'd be best if we stopped seeing each other though,"

"That's understandable. Have a nice day, Evan."

"You too, Mark."

The line goes silent and Mark takes a few deep breaths. He buries his face in his hand, tears finally falling. He sobs heavily, tears streaming down his face. Just when he was finally happy, he has to go and screw everything up. 

'This is why you never deserve to be happy,' some part of his mind supplies. 'You just eff it up," Mark can't help but agree with the voice of his inner psyche. The door opens and Mark jumps, expecting Yukhei to enter and get angry with him. Why Yukhei'd be angry he doesn't know. Angry that Mark took advantage of a straight friend's inebriated state for his own selfish gain? Angry that Mark had to go and cause both of them to be cheaters, whether intentional or not? Yukhei has every right to yell at Mark and never want to associate with Mark again.

When Mark looks up though, he sees Taeyong. Taeyong rushes forward to pull Mark's head against his chest, allowing Mark to sob into Taeyong's shirt. He doesn't push Mark to talk, just lets him cry it out until he's down to the occasional rough breathing.

"Wanna talk about it?" Taeyong asks kindly.

"Me and Evan split," Mark says in a small voice. "I mean, it was expected but..."

"Doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt, Mark. You're allowed to be upset. That's not what I meant though. We both know what happened in that closet. Please just assure me you won't lock yourself in here for nearly half a month again."

"I won't," Mark assures, though it even sounds like a lie to himself. He winces.

"Mark, you should talk to Yukhei," Taeyong suggests.

"No!" Mark shouts. Taeyong looks at him weirdly. "I just...I already caused him enough problems. I might have caused not only the dissolve of my relationship but of his too,"

Taeyong sets a hand on Mark's knee. "Mark, do not let this eat you up inside. You had both been drinking. It causes a lapse of judgment."

Mark stays silent. "Okay?" Taeyong squeezes Mark's hand.

"I hate that I miss it," Mark says after a moment of silence.

"Hmm?" Taeyong questions.

"Kissing Yukhei. It's something I thought I'd only ever experience in my dreams but it happened in real life, and I hate myself for wanting it again."

"Mark, stop beating yourself up over it. I still think you should just tell Yukhei how you feel. Worst case, he rejects you and you can move on."

"If he rejects me, then he'll start acting weird around me. He won't want to hug me and fall asleep against me while we watch trashy T.V."

Taeyong laughs at that. "Sounds like a dream," he says sarcastically.

"Just. Promise me you will talk to him eventually, even if it's just about last night,"

"I'll try," Mark says honestly.

*****

Mark decided to come to the café to get coffee and to clear his mind. The last thing he needed was to see Yukhei and Sena at a table together, mid-conversation. Their conversation looked pleasant as far as Mark could tell. Did Sena not care?

Yukhei locks eyes with Mark from across the room and Mark can see the fear rise in his eyes before Yukhei turns away. Mark decides to take his coffee and sit at the park, slightly bitter.

He knows it was his own fault Evan broke up with him, but Yukhei did the same crime, so to say, and he didn't get a punishment. Mark wants to be mad at Yukhei, but he just gets mad at himself again. He'd done so well to keep a friendly, platonic distance from Yukhei. Letting the older boy control what was platonic helped Mark to not overstep boundaries. He didn't just overstep boundaries, he bolted over an ocean of them.

Mark drinks his coffee slowly, watching the fountain in the campus park. He feels like such an idiot. He'd decided to leave the dorm for time away from his thoughts of the party, but seeing Yukhei had brought them on him full force. He finds himself wondering, though, why Yukhei had kissed back. Why hadn't Yukhei thrown him off or gotten upset at him for interfering in his relationship?

Mark sighs but hauls himself to his feet. He decides to head back to the dorm and finish the essay he'd started the night before, hoping that would take his mind off of Yukhei for a while. Though, his thoughts tended to stray to Yukhei all the time, even when those thoughts caused Mark great emotional suffering.

Now, his thoughts decided to stray to just how soft Yukhei's lips had been that night, how close they had been but mostly how they'd never be that close again. He frowns. Why do his thoughts always have to be about how he can't have Yukhei? As if he didn't get the reminder every day without the self-deprecating thoughts. 

Mark grabs his laptop and starts working on his essay. He gets two pages drafted when the door opens. Yukhei walks in but doesn't greet Mark. Mark tries not to think too hard about the potential meanings behind that.

Yukhei grabs his own laptop and starts typing something in complete silence. Mark almost wants to break the silence, maybe talk about the elephant in the room, but he doesn't. Instead, he grabs his headphones so he's at least not sitting in silence. 

They continue like that for weeks; Yukhei and Mark doing their own thing in the silence of the dorm. Mark hasn't heard Yukhei's voice for the whole time and he misses it, though he doesn't voice his wish to Yukhei, can't face him after what happened, after ruining everything.


	6. Chapter 6

"Mark?" a small, unsure voice asks, knocking Mark out of his thoughts.

"Hmm," he hums absentmindedly, letting them know to continue.

"Please stop ignoring me," Yukhei says, voice watery like he was close to tears.

Mark snaps his attention away from the book open on his lap to the sad noiret in front of him. "I haven't been ignoring you," Mark replies carefully, not wanting to deal with a crying Yukhei. He doesn't think his heart could handle it. "You ignored me, Xuxi."

Yukhei gasps, offended. "I wasn't ignoring you..."

"Not speaking to me for a month is 'ignoring' me, Xuxi."

There's a few seconds of silence, then, "We're both idiots,"

"Huh?"

"We both thought the other was ignoring us, so we didn't try to talk to each other," Yukhei explains.

Mark doesn't reply for a minute. "You don't hate me?" he asks in a whisper. He's not sure if Yukhei even heard him.

"Why would I hate you, Markie?" 

The nickname makes my heart ache. "Because I almost ruined your relationship? I ruined mine." 

Admitting it doesn't make me feel any better, it just makes me feel more guilty. Yukhei looks at me, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes full of sadness. "Mark Lee, I could never hate you. And, if I remember correctly, I kissed you first."

"You did? I could have sworn I did,"

Yukhei shakes his head. Mark feels tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to fall. Yukhei tenses up. "Mark?"

"I had convinced myself it was my fault, that you hated me. Then I saw you with Sena and thought I deserved to see you two happy together while I caused my own relationship's end," Mark's voice cracks with a sob, so Yukhei grabs him and pulls him into a hug. Mark rests his chin on Yukhei's shoulder, tears rushing down his cheeks, "I've been so miserable for months, Yukhei."

"I'm sorry,"

"Why are you sorry? You were just living your life. I'm the one caught up."

"Every time I was out with Sena, my thoughts wouldn't leave you, Mark. Every girl I brought home, I tried to imagine it was you, which is harder than you'd imagine. I guess I thought that if I kept bringing girls home...you'd eventually get jealous and make a move. Which is stupid and that's almost how a teenage girl thinks, not a guy who's almost 22."

They go silent, letting Yukhei's admission hang between them. "How was I supposed to guess you wanted me to make a move when you always brought home girls? That's not a good way to hint that you want a guy to hit on you!" Mark scolds Yukhei.

He at least has the decency to look sheepish. "I know," he says. "I was stupid."

Suddenly, Mark remembers Sena. "Xuxi, what about Sena?"

"Shh, forget about her, Mark. Just hug me."

*****

Mark's not sure when they fell asleep, but the next thing he knows he's waking up to a dark room with Yukhei curled up around him. Mark allows him to pout for a second, of course, he was being spooned by the bigger Yukhei. When he tries to sit up, Yukhei groans quietly and tightens the grip he has on Mark, still deep in sleep.

"Xuxi," Mark says, trying to get Yukhei's attention.

"Xuxi," he tries again.

Finally, with a sigh, he pushes as hard as he can and gets Yukhei unwrapped from around him, also shocking the noiret awake. "Waz gon on?" Yukhei slurs, sitting up quickly.

"I have to pee," Mark answers, climbing over him and standing up. He hears the sound of Yukhei dropping onto the mattress. 

Coming back into the main room, Mark grabs his phone, squinting at the brightness of the screen in the darkness. It's the middle of the night, just past 11. "Hey, Xuxi. We screwed our sleep schedule up,"

Mark sees the smirk that grows on Yukhei's face even in the darkness. "I can mess it up even more, Markie,"

Mark feels his eyebrows rise. "Slow down, there. Tame the tiger inside for a while, will ya?"

Yukhei playfully roars at him, doing a childish hand motion along with it. Mark rolls his eyes, even though he's filled with fondness. "Come on, Yukhei. Let's go get pizza or something."

Yukhei gets up quickly, face revealing his happiness. He reminds Mark of a puppy. "Okay, Xuxi. Let's go."

They throw their shoes on and make their way towards a local pizza place. Yukhei seems happier than Mark has seen him all year, maybe even since they met. Mark doesn't blame him though, he feels the same way.

Mark still can't comprehend that Yukhei seems to like him back. He knows they'll have to talk about this more, set boundaries, figure out what's going on with Sena, but for now, he's content to eat cheap, way-too-greasy pizza at nearly midnight in the middle of the week with him. 

He doesn't want to jump the gun and push Yukhei further away. This is the closest they've been in a month, he doesn't want to ruin that. Even if they just stay friends, Mark will be content knowing that Yukhei knows about his feelings and doesn't hate him. 

In the back of his mind, he can't help but wonder how much of this was Taeyong's doing, how much did Taeyong push Yukhei to be the one to take the first step, because everyone knew Mark wasn't going to take the first step. During one of Taeyong's late-night loneliness fueled text chains, they were talking about if Mark was going to talk to Yukhei. Mark had given a noncommittal answer which prompted Taeyong to say, "if you don't tell him soon, I will get all of our friends to force it out of you," to Mark's horror. How many of their overlapping friend groups knew about Mark's feelings?

Mark had never gotten an answer to that, but find that he doesn't mind as much as probably should. Mark is pulled out of his introspection by a tug on his hand. He looks up and locks eyes with Yukhei. "Come on, Mark. We're getting pizza, right?"

"Yea," Mark agrees and follows him, noticing that Yukhei never dropped his hand. They made it to the pizza place and ordered, Mark kind of letting himself get pulled along by the hand. They sat down across from each other and Mark is reminded of the last time they were in a booth together, when he'd first met Sena. 

"Hey, Yukhei?" He asks unsteadily.

"Yep?"

"I know you told me to forget, but what about Sena?"

Yukhei frowns for a split second before the content smile comes back. "We've been broken up for a while. Actually, it was that day in the café after the party."

"Oh," Mark says, feeling slightly stupid.

They sit in silence until their pizza comes out, then the silence is replaced by eating. They eat pretty quickly and the silence continues. Mark takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to speak. "Date me!" he blurts loudly, drawing the attention of the employee at the counter and Yukhei. Mark cringes at himself.

"That's not what I meant to say," he groans, throwing his hands over his face.

"Okay," Yukhei says casually, still eating.

"Really?"

"Yea,"

"Okay," Mark says, still confused.

He might be confused, but he is sure that Yukhei said he'd date him, so he's content. They don't have to worry about it yet. He doesn't worry about it as Yukhei swings their connected hands between them on the way back to the dorm, or as Yukhei casually shucks his shirt and pants off and crawls into Mark's bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

He doesn't worry about it until the morning, but he has a feeling that everything is going to work out fine. Soon all of the bad feelings will just be bad memories to look back on in the future.


	7. Epilogue

Mark is woken up by a great smell. He sits up to find Yukhei beside their bed with a tray holding two plates of pancakes and two cups of coffee. "Aw, Xuxi. Breakfast in bed? That's not like you."

Yukhei gasps in fake offense. "Excuse you, I am always this kind."

They laugh, Mark accepting his plate from Yukhei, who sits beside him with his own. They eat quietly, which is unusual. "Hey," Yukhei starts. "We should take advantage of this quiet morni-"

He's cut off by the sound of footsteps running towards their door. The door is opened and Jiang walks in followed by a stumbling Jieun. Jiang is bright-eyed while is Jieun is yawning, her eyes drooping still. "Appa, Bá. Isn't it time for breakfast?"

Mark giggles at his husband's misfortune. "Yeah 'Bá,' isn't it breakfast time?"

"Come on, you two. Bá will make you some pancakes. Let Appa finish eating." The kids toddle after Yukhei towards the kitchen while Mark finishes eating and gets dressed. He comes out to find Jieun covered in syrup. "Xuxi, what...happened?"

Yukhei gives him a look like a deer caught in headlights and gives him a look. "Babe, I know it's..."

"Yeah, yeah. I got 'er," Mark cuts him off, grabbing Jieun under her armpits and taking her towards the bathroom.

He glances at the clock in the living room on the way by. "7:36," he whispers. They have about an hour and a half until Taeyong and Johnny arrive. 

Bathing Jieun always takes time. She fights getting in until she's in the water then she wants to play. Mark can't let her play for that long though. He gets the syrup off of her and then pulls her out, to her dismay. 

He plays with the unhappy two-year-old while Yukhei entertains five-year-old Jiang with whatever newest Mario game until the doorbell buzzes, alerting the couple to their friend's arrival. 

Taeyong and Johnny pick up Jiang and Jieun to watch them for the day until the next morning, allowing Mark and Yukhei to have a rare date night.

First, though, is Yukhei's dance performance. He'd joined a dance troupe right out of university and he was still with them. Mark had gone to every performance, sometimes taking the kids.

Mark watches his husband with the same feeling he'd had the first time back in university. Yukhei always seemed so relaxed while dancing. Mark had never been the most athletic, preferring to read. It makes sense why Mark had become an author. He still hadn't had a breakthrough hit yet, but he was making enough money combined with Yukhei to live comfortably, even after adopting two kids.

*****

Mark settled into the booth across from Yukhei. They order wine and wait. "I can't believe we've been married for ten years. It feels like just yesterday we were celebrating our first year together as seniors," Mark jokes.

"Well, that was thirteen years ago."

"Thirteen years," Mark says. "It's crazy how much things changed in thirteen years. We have kids, Xuxi."

They have a great time, ending up a little bit tipsy, reminding Mark of that party all those years ago.

Entering their house means Yukhei is instantly on Mark, pulling him towards their bedroom with a low growl of, "Now to start what I wanted to this morning," with no complaints from Mark, whose last thought is 'I hope the kids don't notice my limp tomorrow."

THE END


End file.
